Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize