if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
