When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
