Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
