i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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