nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
