You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
