Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You ruined the universe
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
