I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
