So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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