my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
