Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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