I hope mine doesn't look like that
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
