i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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