Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
