Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
