I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
