I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
