It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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