My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
