Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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