So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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