I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
