even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize