The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
