Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
