we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
