what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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