Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
