i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
