And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
