Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
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