i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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