i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
