So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize