dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
