There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Randomize
