she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Randomize
