I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
