I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
17 year olds will be the death of me.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize