Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
