Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
