I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
