i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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