I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
