The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
