i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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