Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
