you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
