you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
