This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Found your dick twin last night
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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