i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
