9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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