Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
