tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
it's like iHOP with fire
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize