where does the pee come out of this thing
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
