I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
