Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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