No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
where are you?
Hypothermia
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
