I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
