hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
