were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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