First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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