I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
