You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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