are you still at the devil's house?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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