For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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