it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
