and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Never let your siblings swipe right.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
