So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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