you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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