I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
home. puking in laundry basket.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
