Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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