You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
