is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize