The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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