he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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